Frustrated with the mess in my house once again, I started cleaning the kitchen and dining room this morning when I got up, while my ever loving family sat on the couches in the living room staring at the TV and their devices (one laptop, one tablet, and one phone). And once again I caught myself in my overwhelmed martyr/victim mode thinking, “why am I the only one that does any cleaning around here? It’s not like I don’t have 50,000 other things that need to get done and perhaps would also like to have the opportunity to relax for a bit or even do something together as a family.” Sound familiar?

Well, I decided it’s time to change things up a bit. Let’s just break down the pattern and see how we got to this point, because my kids and hubby definitely don’t behave like this at my mother-in-law’s home, where everyone helps to clear and clean the table after a meal and put everything away. What I did realize today is that this abandoning the kitchen and ‘relaxing’ on the couch after a meal is learned behaviour. And guess what? I created those monsters because I trained them that way. In my Kingdom of I Can Do It All By Myself, I very clearly recall myself saying “that’s OK. I got it.” Or the more common, “just set it here, and I’ll deal with it.” Why? Because I wanted it done just so (a.k.a. – my way). Well cleaning up and putting things away myself may possibly have been a necessity when my kids were too little to reach the fridge or the sink, or when I was concerned that they would make a mess. My hubby, on the other hand, has always been capable (and willing) to help – if I let him. And now that my kids are teenagers, they are perfectly capable to put leftovers in the fridge, put the dishes in the dishwasher, wash any dishes that can’t go in the dishwasher, and even wipe the table. They just have to be retrained. And realistically, I’m not doing them any favours by doing this stuff for them anymore, because in the not too distant future, they’re going to be on their own, and I won’t be there to clean up after them.

So tonight after supper, I gave everyone clear instructions to clean everything off the table and put it away, to put the leftovers in a container, to wash any extra dishes, and to wipe the table. I did it in a calm and clear voice and asked for what I wanted. It was simple. All I did was to first decide what I wanted and who would be the best person for the job, and then ask the right people. And guess what. It actually worked, and when I went to bed, I didn’t have supper leftovers to deal with. Now that I know it’s a possibility, I’ll keep after them until it becomes a new habit and I don’t have to ask anymore.

So What Can You Do In Your Life?

1. Decide what you want to change and what you want instead.
2. Ask the right person.
3. Accept the support.

In love and light, Claudia

"Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement."

∞ Golda Meir ∞